Biking!

Today was sunny and warm. It's 10 pm and it's still over 70 degrees. I just got back from biking to Dupont! Oh yeah! I was able to go biking.

It was not the easiest ride, this was the first time I had to stop to make it up to my house (which is at the top of Summit Place) but it was fun and I was able to do it.

You know, riding with one of your lungs out of commission - I'd think it would feel like running miles when I've only run a block (in some ways it does) but also its like someone has a hand on your heart keeping it from beating as much as it needs to, or your chest not having enough capacity to do what your heart wants to do or like holding your breathe and running at the same time.

BUT it didn't feel like that the whole time, so I enjoyed my bike ride through the city to hang out in Dupont with Yunki.

We met these guys in the park doing slack lining they said it's a form of meditation - you tie a tightrope and try to balance and you can only do it if you can focus your mind. I just watched some youtube videos of people and some people didn't look too focused, it just looked like gymnastics tricks, but it was still cool to see something new.

Yunki told me that when her other friend had puffler's the chemo effected her mental state and she was angry and emotional from it. I don't feel that way, most of the time throughout the day, even though I'm thinking about dying all day long - I don't feel angry or depressed or sad or panicked. I felt those things more before I started treatment because I had to think about the future - make a decision about what I was going to do. Now that I've made it, as long as I stay inside of today and only think about the future enough to schedule something, I feel good.

Plus I asked Buddha to determine the best outcome for helping others... I haven't helped enough people in my life but I don't know that I will help so many more by living... I don't have any good ideas about what to do to make people happy. Jennifer and I were at the grocery store a week ago and the cashier was so sad, she was just pushing off negativity - I racked my brain to think of something to say or do that would make her feel better. If I gave her money, like in the stories about paying it forward? If I gave her some compliment? If I just asked about her day? I did the latter and she was still very unhappy.

Florie suggested a book might make people happy - but that won't help people starving. Happiness is all in the mind so how do you get people to make themselves happy?

Today, right now, I feel happy, even though I have puffler's, so definitely health does not determine happiness... What would make you happy? Could someone give it to you or help you get there if you didn't already feel happy?...