Today I got my pet scan, the results will take a couple of days. pet scans are scary I must admit. I didn't know I was claustraphobic but in that machine I need to hold on to the image of a stupa I have,chant Geshela is with you, and squeeze my eyes so tight they almost open. I don't know how anyone else gets through it. While in there I keep thinking too - this is all in your mind, you know that you won't be hurt, you know that it will be finished in 15 minutes and you survived it before, however your mind is still scared. When I'm able to take a pet scan or MRI without fear, I'll know that I've grown in the ability to control my mind.
Later, in the car a driver got angry with me which had me thinking - I cannot make anyone happy or angry, I can't change their emotions at all - they do that all on their own. And to be honest, even if I were a Buddha, I couldn't do that. Only I control what I feel and with good reason, action A is what I would do but Action B is what another person would do in the same situation but those actions might be completely opposite of the other and because of that opposition I could be mad or sad or happy. Can I make myself happy everyday?... I think I'm going to try that. What makes me happy? I do but it sure does seem like outside things do. Certainly dodgeball feels like something that makes me happy - my escape from puffler's but how can I give myself that escape that's my challenge.
Speaking of dodgeball - we had a double header and won both games - we are the only undefeated team now. Woo hoo! I tried to catch a ball and totally rammed my finger so I'll be icing that now. Better finger than port so that's good.
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