No more chemo!!!!!!!!

Did you know the maintenance chemo that the doctor had referred to earlier is something new AND it isn't guaranteed to stabilize or decrease the tumors? So when I read my report I thought the tumor had reduced again and she was going to suggest more chemo BUT it didn't reduce significantly enough to warrant that so I opted to NOT do maintenance chemo and just wait and see, since it's a 50/50 chance either way why not pick the way where I DON'T have to get sick every 3 weeks! So that's what I did!!! Yayyyyyy!!!

I really DID jump up and down with happiness today!

At then end of July I'll take a pet scan and see if it's increased or not. She said if it has increased minimally then I can chose to go to maintenance chemo (which I told her was HIGHLY unlikely) or if its increased significantly I can try a 2ND line clinical trial (2ND line trial is doing something that is supposed to decrease the tumors - UM, YEAH I'm for decrease not stable... unless of course I'm stabilizing when I have no cancer cells, I'm cool with that stable)

So the doctors really don't know much. They don't know
1. how I got this
2. how any one gets cancer (yeah, smokers get lung cancer more than non smokers, but of all the people who smoke what percent get lung cancer?... ya know?)
3. how long i have left to live if i do nothing
4. how long i have left to live if i do chemo
5. whether or not chemo will decrease, increase or stabilize my cells
6. all the side effects of chemo (I have black spots on my TONGUE! MY TONGUE, I'm turning into a freakin' CHOW!)


The doctor also told me that surgery and radiation are not an option because I this in my
lymph node (but you can do surgery on lymph nodes)
spots in my right lung(but you can do radiation on those spots)
left lung (but you can do surgery on lungs)
You can do surgery or radiation on any one of these things BUT the recovery time for surgery is 6 weeks (Eek!) and there are also side effects from radiation and to do both those things for all the places would be too hard on my body to warrant not being able to get rid of all of it. ALSO she said if I cut off the lower left lung then I lose capacity in that lung, it's better now when the tumor has room to move around out of the way, if there were less to move around in then I wouldn't be able to breathe any better.

All that was good to know since I was wondering why this wasn't an option. That's logical.


So no chemo for 2 months and I'm going to Live It Up! I am in between lists, I have achieved all that I wanted from my previous list... except Buddha-hood. So I need a new list of things I want to achieve before I die. I sing and dance when I biked around today - why be embarrassed? I want to do stuff I've been scared to do...but I have to think about things that I've been scared to do but wanted to do.

Anyway its uber-hot here but I am going to go biking. Maybe my friends can't go, but I am going to go to as many DC events as possible. I'm going to do the horizontal bop. I'm going to volunteer and try to think of ways I can help more. I'm going to retreat and get a stronger mind (I need to prepare for the next phase of this journey after all). I'm going to do it ALL.
Have suggestions for the list? let me know, it ALL.

So pray that things stay STABLE doing absolutely NO chemo. I will continue acupuncture and read some books about puffler's to see if things I eat can help during this time. I also signed up for a conference for young adults this weekend hopefully they will have some tips.

I feel like I have some theme songs, my mind has turned the lyric for Viva la vida into my anthem.

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word - (I didn't realize it a year ago but that was SO me, I mean I used to rule this freakin' body)
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own - (that's what it's like to get chemo)

One minute I held the key - (Seriously? Do you see the comparison?)
Next the walls were closed on me - ( :| )
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

(such a perfect anthem)