so I'm writing. I tried to lull myself to sleep with thoughts and out of crying with promises that this could be my last sleep, but I didn't believe it and cried harder.
5 years. I keep thinking I'll never fall in love, I'll never be in a relationship... career development?pointless. what have I done in the last 5 years? I was 31 I just moved to California. I went hiking a lot. I volunteered at the Animal shelter and helped dogs. I got a job with sfdc. I volunteered with HIV positive women in Tanzania with Cross Cultural Solutions which I had always wanted to volunteer with. I had Highest Yoga Tantra empowerment in Singapore...HYT is a big deal, I guess that was worth living an extra 5 years for... I went on a 10 day silent meditation retreat, I guess that was worth living for too, I'm bad at meditation but that made me better so for my next lifetime I have HYT AND a better meditation practice. I made new friends like Ayori and Sarah who now have met my friends in the east who they may keep in touch with after I'm gone... I don't know that them being able to meet was worth an extra 5 years. I renovated my backyard and turned it into carport which I wanted since I bought the house, though, again *shrug*. I finished Joyful Path in FP class and was able to learn a whole lot from Tessa and the California sangha about Buddhism, Geshe la, being in a sangha and stuff that was worth extra years for sure. I got to take my mom to a Maitreya Empowerment, one of Geshe la's last empowerments in England!
Maitreya Buddha, OK I think I can sleep now good night
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