I went to bed last night and woke up this morning not feeling like I'd make it another week. The tightness in my side makes me panicky which I can't do because panicking means breathing harder - not something I have the capacity to do on my left.
Despite this, I listened to Vajrapani sadhana and juiced and spoke to Alice about long term disability which is starting for me today. Isn't THAT crazy? I'm LTD? It feels like a unreal part of society a part I never saw myself in. What does that MEAN? I asked Alice I still want my job, I mean if I make it through this I don't want to lose my job you know? She was like yeah for sure, but I don't think I relayed all that I was thinking. Seriously, I like my job, I like my company, what about my stock... if I die soon, I want to die an employee of sfdc not a long term disabled person. I talked to my cousin how has been on LTD and she calmed some of my concerns. And then I was concerned about when I would get my next pay check, how does this all work? Gosh so much to think about.
2 hours later my boss emails me telling me that my company has given me a bonus and time off to allay my concerns. Can you believe that?? I work for the best company in the entire world!
And then at the end of the day one of my colleagues sent me an email telling me how much I helped his customer which is nice to know that I'm still doing my job well. I'm still a working member. I don't know there's a lot to be said for just feeling normal.
I also went to Spa World today which was awesome and now my body is not so tight on the left side and I feel better.
Well tomorrow I get up bright and early to see my brother who says that my niece is as excited as Christmas that we are coming tomorrow. Christmas! I hope we can live up to that!! :D
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