so the surgery was a success.
with the pain medication my head doesn't hurt at all, but my lungs do. Oh puffler's, you're like a racist man, you can't seem to learn to live in communion with others and it will be the death of you.
Random memories from surgery -
my mother relaxing before my surgery (thought that would never happen)
my anesthesiologist singing "Hey hey we're the monkeys" as he wheeled me into surgery, I joined in of course.
despite my big gorgeous veins, someone missed and pumped me with stuff outside of my vein OUCH... I didn't get angry. weird.
Kate my ICU nurse who was really nice... though she woke me up every hour to do tests.
Melissa my 2ND nurse who thinks I have a positive attitude about the whole thing even though its so unfair (what makes her think I'm so positive I'm still wondering about... maybe b/c I wasn't mean?)
Things i don't remember but family does
to the surgeon "did you remember to take pictures?"... he did not
My sister says "Holla back" and I say "woo woo" in response when we say goodbye... apparently I respond when heavily sedated and slightly unconscious too
Things I love
my family and friends of course
but especially Buddha, sometimes I get mad at Buddha, that since I chose this faith, I can't end my own suffering... it's more suffering than I ever thought I could bear with my low threshold for pain...but one day, some day because of this experience I will truly love ALL living beings unconditionally. I'll truly understand emptiness. I will have wisdom and be enlightened and finally be able to help living beings truly.
I don't see how this will get me there to be honest, I see I have a lot more work to do and if I survive this for any long amount of time (like a year) I hope I don't lose the patience and caring that I've gained - by suffering.
that's all
Your articles are unbelievably touching. You're already helping people.
ReplyDelete