Refusenik

Tonight I watched a horrible movie, the mechanic, with "handsome Rob" but watching it I realized this is the first day i didn't want to have an accident and die.

I called Hopkins and will schedule to get this dang port removed and I feel good about my decision to not do anymore chemo, no radiation either, too many side effects. I read this article in Time magazine and there is a name for people like me "Refusenik". I'm a Refusenik and proud of it, this article said refusal of treatment shortened life spans by only 9 months (granted this is for all cancers, not just pufflers) but still. You read it before and you'll read it again - who takes medicine that makes them feel really bad, only to not be cured? It's almost hilarious really. Anyway I feel great, I mean I'm coughing a lot and I can't breathe that well, but today the heart palpitations lessened and the pain is gone again so either acupuncture or the tumor moved to a better spot. Anyway much better to feel good and coughing, than bad and queasy :)

I'm so excited to get this port out! It itches but it grosses me out to touch it so the only way I scratch it is to turn the shower head on it. I'm still sending love to my lungs and next week I'll see a personal trainer (not for the exercise part but for the eating better part). Oh, I read somewhere that a guy was meditating to send love to every one's puffler's. Now I really like THAT idea, so when I'm sending love to my lungs I'll send love to others' too.