Feeling Good

Thursday after dodgeball a guy asked jokingly if I had lung cancer. And I answered "I do actually" expecting the talk, but he and the other guy thought I was joking! I thought was funny, just because I have my hair, it must not be true. :)

So I'm still working on faith. I went to a therapist yesterday just to make sure I stay positive. For 7 days I've felt positive with only 1 hiccup when I was coughing one night and couldn't get to sleep.

I went white water rafting on Sunday - it was the spur of the moment trip I just couldn't get people organized to go and I didn't want to miss out on going as my potentially last summer as Andrea.

I went to a Personal trainer/Nutritionist on Monday and will go again on Thursday, he was So positive. I went so that I could eat better in order to stop the mucus, decrease the cough, and increase the oxygen I'm receiving, but he was like you're not going to die on my watch! Wow, even the doctors aren't that positive.

He had me watch 2 movies Food Matters which was really interesting and 'The Beautiful Truth' which was like an infomercial for the Gerson method. They say that they can cure puffler's and chronic diseases by eating differently. Sweet, I'll try that, cause I sure as hell am not doing chemo again.

I get the port taken out on Tuesday. DID YOU HEAR ME? I GET THE PORT TAKEN OUT ON TUESDAY!!!!!!
WOOO HOOO!


This food thing is going to be challenging so I have to keep in mind that at least it's not chemo,
at least I'm not passing out,
at least I'm not throwing up,
at least I'm not feeling queasy,
at least I'm not weak and knowing you're killing your good cells,
at least I'm not turning different colors,
at least my bones don't hurt,
at least I'm not feeling the emotional agony of being disabled from chemo,
at least I'm not poisoning yourself and torchering yourself to death - the puffler's can do that all by itself it really doesn't need help from me or the doctors.

This morning I meditated on faith, what do I have faith in now just without effort? I have faith that my house will be standing when I return from class.
I have faith that my car will be where I parked it last.
I have faith that I'll wake up tomorrow, that there will BE a tomorrow.

Why are those faiths so easy? Yesterday my sister's car was stolen and a few months ago my neighbor's daughter died in her sleep. So again why are those faiths so easy?

I don't know, but my meditation today taught me that faith is only a now thing. Meaning sometimes I don't have faith because I'm thinking I won't have faith in the future or didn't have it in the past and it trips up what's happening NOW.

Do you know what I'm doing now? Well you won't by the time you read this but right now I'm typing. I haven't had anything to drink or eat so I'm not coughing. I feel no pain. I'm sitting on my bed with my legs crossed and the fan blowing and writing this blog. I feel great. Puffler's doesn't exist right now, because I can't see it or feel it. I can breathe and the sun is shining brightly into my room from my sun room. I feel great.