Tonight was much better than last night. I went to FP class and we finished Heart of Wisdom.
There were 2 important things I got from class
at the end Dharmodgata says " Where does the sound of a lute come from and where does it go? Does it come from the strings, from within the lute, from the fingers of the player, from his effort to play or elsewhere? And when the sound has stopped, where does it go?"
To continue - how do you know it exists, you can't see it, touch it or smell it. That's what everything is, what I am, sound. I have to meditate on that because it answers who am I in a more real way that what I can conceive now. And a less depressing way. Sound exists and doesn't exist, I don't know where it comes from or where it goes but that doesn't scare me. I don't know where I came from, yeah you could say my mom and dad but that's just my body - where did I come from? And where am I going when I die? The same place that sound goes? I would say yes. So I am sound..
2. In this last chapter Geshela speaks of the miracle powers that Lamas in Tibet performed and in class Andy asked how did they know they could do that, I keep thinking I'll get to this realization and then this one and then BAM! (I'm paraphrasing, he didn't say BAM! :) ) Anyway Varahi (my teacher) said that faith was a HUGE part of it. Having faith that you can do these miracle powers gets you almost all the way there. Isn't that something? So I need to have faith in mantras and faith in my practice and it's ability to help me - whether that's by healing my body, or my mind. I have to remember Geshela said he would say prayers for me, I've been thinking that means that I'll have a good rebirth, but I guess it could mean that I could have a good rest of my life too. In Buddhism terms it is better to live longer so that I have a better opportunity to become a Buddha. BTW did you know that Geshela was a doctor in Tibet? He said prayers for people to heal! I didn't know that!
Oh another thing that helped was the part about mara's. Buddha had mara's tempting him to try and disrupt his concentration but his meditation on love made him able to withstand the temptation. That had me thinking about 'what the bleep do we know' this film I've watched, in it I think Japanese scientist did an experiment on freezing water. Some cups they would put the word love, happiness, hope and the others hate, anger, despair and the ones with the positive words formed perfect crystals where as the ones with the negative words did not. So I was thinking I should put love on my lungs. For the first time, I thought about getting a tattoo, a bar code with each line being love repeated over and over again.
Tonight I said it to my lungs as if they were a baby growing in me - love, love,love, love, love, love, love. Do you hear me lungs?! love, love,love, love, love, love, love.
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