What I've gained so far...

So I may be dying. But I have got the most wonderful friends, so while I didn't gain them just now and I always thought they were great, in the past 2.5 weeks of being diagnosed with puffler's they have proven themselves to be... un-speakably, un-describably,un- mentionably wonderful (so much so that I had to make up 3 new words just now). I'm very very lucky. My one friend, part of my sangha, started a Kindness video project and so many of my friends I could tell great stories about.

And then my family - how wonderful are they - sending information galore, sending prayers, cards, chocolate covered fruit.

And then my sangha - my old (which now is california) and new (which is my original DC) giving me so much needed advice, and prayers

And my spiritual guide - who said he would make prayers for me, just for me

And my company - who tells me that the company's resources are at my disposal - just let them know what I need.

If I had any doubt at how loved and cared for I was, I would no longer have it.

Thank you, everyone.

--------------------

I've also gained an understanding - I'm not enlightened yet, so I can't help everyone be free from suffering yet... and in order to free them, I have to free me - I have to control my mind. as buddha said (or maybe Shanti Deva) external events are out of your control, all you can control is your mind. so my OUTLOOK on the external events are all i can control, so I must stay positive - even if this kills me, i want to die with a happy mind.
-----------------------

i might have written this before but my customers have gained a lot too. They can't stress me out, they can't make me angry, their problems - even the huge ones like having a bug that hasn't been fixed in 2 months and is affecting their reporting to their board - compared to a terminal disease? Sorry, not even close. You hate salesforce and Support and wanted a call back earlier? vs dying - nope, no affect. I am super nice, super sweet, and it's laughable to me what is making them angry, but I used to get mad at just the same stupid crap. I still have some other stupid crap that I think is important, like traffic or a slow car, but now, in the back of my mind,I'm like hmmmm not important... but a good distraction from the puffler's.