maybe other people who get life threatening diseases want to hear about the symptoms and treatments and all the bad stuff that happens but I think that's for healthy people...I can't believe I don't fall into that category anymore.
today i got a 2nd opinion from a holistic doctor which was much more positive but I still will have to change my lifestyle and this still is going to be a chronic disease.
i keep imagining my mom, who is a sick person, always talking about her aches and ailments, unable to run around with the kids because of lack of energy or pains. I can't imagine not being able to rough house with kids or the look kids get when they see a sick person.
i see healthy people on the street (or presumably healthy, and I'm envious). I used to be envious of people in love with boyfriends, or people with an innie belly button and now...
it's a good thing i went to thailand for a meditation retreat last year. i did say that i wanted to go so that meditation would be in my mental continuum and so that I could harness the power of my mind. maybe this is why this is happening, so i can practice harnessing it's power.
so i went to dodgeball today, maybe I have gained another type of freedom - I'm dying, there is no reason to be embarrassed, if i want to dance and sing in the streets i can do that. that's what i did tonight
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