I have stage 3b or 4a depending on what system of puffler's you look at. The doctor said I'd have chemo for 84 days in 21 day intervals to see if the experiment of this type of chemo is working on me. he does not want to biopsy me so that i can get the chemo-sensitivity done. he says that i'll be on drugs for the rest of my life always worrying about it coming back. i can't take it. i can't take thinking about being a sick person - i hate the thought of not being able to play rough with my neices and nephew and travel whenever i want however i want.freedom, he says that my future is giving up freedom. how can i sell my house and travel around volunteering with this?
i lost it today. devastation.
i have to think only of now. i have to think i could die today in a car accident and may never get to this freedom-less future anyway. ..i wish for some car accident so that i never get to this freedom-less future.
but i'm striving for enlightenment. so may my pain please be getting me closer to enlightenment so that i can help all living beings - please, even a Foe Destroyer, please.
tomorrow i see another doctor who practices holistic medicine, please let him have better news.
my hair dresser suggested a doctor in honduras dr. sebi
http://www.drsebi.com/home.html
they said they could cure things. i see why people buy everything when sick. potential cure vs. freedom-less existence. i'll probably try that too...
No comments:
Post a Comment