The Last Supper

Today we woke up at the crack of dawn 4:15 to get to the hospital by 5:30 for a 6:15 am appointment like the woman emailed me. We arrived at 6 only to realize that the appointment was for 8.

We could got good sleep!


Anyway I took the MRI which are getting scarier and scarier the more I take - this time my mom came in to touch my feet so that it would't seem like I was trapped in the machine AND the technician changed the head gear to a bigger one that didn't touch my chin (which let me just tell you freaks me out to NO end!). It was good, the lack of sleep the night before had me sleeping in the machine part of the time, I still chanted Liberation Prayer, I still repeated that Geshe La was with me and now my mom. It was good too she was there because sometimes it felt like she was pulling my feet and moving my head (which was all in my head) but because of that I was focused on her and not being trapped in the machine. Much better.


After the MRI we went on to see the surgeon who showed us the MRI of the tumor which has grown from about 2.2 cm (7/20) to 2.5 cm today so he says its good I'm having surgery tomorrow. He is not going to film it, but I asked if he could take before and after pictures. It's really close to the surface of my head which is positive he's hoping it will be easy to get out but won't know fully until he opens me up. Then he'll decide to do radiation, take out some and do radiation, or take out all.

he said I'll be paralyzed on my right side for 48 hours just because of the anesthetian alone. That part freaked me out. Paralyzed. And it could be up to a week. I could be in a wheel chair for a week. That is scary. The next project on my house starts tomorrow (I gotta do these things to have something to live for/ look forward to, ya know?). This time it's getting a kitchen bar and arches in dining and living room. I'll stay with my uncle while its being done probably and I'm looking forward to some GOOD cooking from my aunt while there. YUMM!

I'm packing up now and taking a LOT of CDs and putting things on my MP3 player since I'm not going to be able to use my right hand, dharma will have to be listened to and sung instead of read. I'm bringing CDs of my favorite Buddhist pujas and lessons. That should be good. Also I have found 2 of the 3 books on CD Cindi sent... if only I could find the other :D It's still me!

I decided to break the diet today I mean this could be it, ya know!? I know no one wants to hear that but I feel glad that I'm at peace with at least 2 of the 3 outcomes.

I also spoke with the radiologist who says that it is possible to radiate my left breast to get rid of the new tumors there so that's good I'll meet with her on Wednesday.

Well I'm tired now - dharma in hand I should be good to go. Also I'm back in the 40s again weighing in at 141.5 woo hoo. 5 more pounds to go. today I had the last supper with my friends totally off diet (tuxedo cheesecake and all!), good italian food, i started to have a drink but remembered opps oxycodone! For lunch I had crab cakes and potatoes oh yeah pure decadence!